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How to be…the flashy Paul Pogba

Paul Pogba

UNORDINARY MAN: Haters have ripped him apart with such savagery, saying Man-U bought a Ferrari with a Fiat engine. But Paul Pogba is not moved. He loves living a good life and being happy, because afterall he earns it.

There is so much talk about Manchester United’s 24-year-old midfielder, Paul Pogba. He has been classified as the most expensive non-functional Chinese Product. Yes, haters have ripped him apart with such savagery. Mbu Man-U bought a Ferrari with a Fiat engine. The devil never sleeps, I tell you. After a deal in which Paul Pogba left Italian club Juventus to Man-U for some crazy 89m pounds, the jury has been forever awake. They have taunted his every move on and off the pitch. Quite truthfully, his flamboyant lifestyle and rainbow hairstyles have done more talking than his skills on the pitch. And while he can’t be blamed much for the huge transfer fee that hangs on his shoulders, the guy has suffered unfairly for it. Dude can’t ‘paint’ his hair in peace or do the ‘dab’ freely. His free-spirit and larger than life persona have consistently been blamed for his inconsistent showings in a Man-U shirt. People can’t let you prosper. If you go from crocs to Clarks, your neighbours want to burn your house down. If you dare abandon Nabulime of Wakiso for Karen of Muyenga, you will be called mad. One guy smiling above all the beef is Paul Pogba himself. To be like the midfield dynamo, here is your guide:

‘Le Sapeur’
Pogba overdoes things. He doesn’t like to do simple or ordinary. Almost like how some of you guys looked when you swapped the Masaka hustle for the bright lights of Kampala City. You tasted money and now dress like clowns at a kid’s festival. Pimping your car dashboards with those dummy dogs and laying that annoying white cloth on your chairs and TV. Thank God Pogba doesn’t do cheap. He is flamboyant but certainly won’t put a siren on his car bonnet. Shout out to our Masaka guys. We love you. Pogba’s fashion sense demands attention. He is like a human peacock with a long beak (dude never closes his mouth chesos!). He loves wearing the basketball jerseys, baseball caps and designer suits. His barber is probably the busiest man in the world and responsible for those embarrassing haircuts of his. A word of advice: If you live by accident from meal to meal, these fashion choices might not be for you. You risk looking like a duck thrown in paint or a struggling artiste in Makindye. You must love attention, dress to kill. Every fabric out there can be used to make something. Start with your curtains.

Live To The Max
Paul Pogba has such a large following on many social media platforms because of his antics. He has that wide grin of a builder in Katwe that has just received his daily stipend. He laughs loud, dances to African music and does odd handshakes with team-mates. He is a happy person. Some would say that at 290,000 pounds a week, anyone would be happy but you are wrong. Footballers are some of the most stressed people out there. Even with criticism and pressure hot on his heels, he still walks with that ‘bounce’ of a ‘summer’ from Malaysia (mbu these ones are summers too). Losses and crappy performances never keep him down. For some fans, it is bloody annoying to see Pogba live happily while the team is struggling. It is like seeing a man who owes you money belching in a restaurant. Let nothing stress you if you are going to be like Pogba. Don’t let a horrible boss make you carry your woes home. Your wife and children don’t deserve to face your wrath after a bad day at the office. Don’t take life too seriously. If there has been some bad blood brewing between you and someone else, take them out. It’s only another brew that can sort out that mess. Laugh about it and dance to some Ziza Bafana vibes.

Be Inconsistent
Do you blow hot and cold? Do you build expectations and vanish when you’re needed most? Are you the kind who splits opinion between admirers and doubters? If you are like this, you are probably Pogba’s long-lost sibling. As much as Pogba is hyped, no one knows what he is really good at. He seems to be an enigma. We all know that one chick who draws every guy to her but no one can name anything special about her. If you want to be like Pogba, flirt with success and failure in equal measure. We all know who wins at the end.
There you go be like Paul Labile Pogba.

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