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How to be the flamboyant Elvis Mbonye

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PROPHET OF DOOM? He is one of the most popular pastors right now, especially among the youth. This is not only for his flamboyant dress code, but also for the controversy that surrounds him. He foresees doom and if you are one to offer coins or small money, his church may not be a place for you.

For quite sometime now, Prophet Elvis Mbonye has been predicting future events correctly to the amazement of many. His prophesies have made him some kind of sensation, earning him the adoration and near fanaticism of many Ugandans who throng Hilton Hotel every Tuesday to listen to him pique into the future. The dude correctly predicted the Tsunami happening in 2004, the helicopters that crashed in Kenya, the re-election of George Bush, the Kyadondo bombings in 2010 and many others. Creepy right?
It is clear to see that his area of speciality is prophecy in disaster and doom, while also venturing into other forms of prophesy. Ugandans go to his talks craving prophesies about their lives and a good number of them have walked away contented. Mbonye’s target congregation are the young corporates and moneyed people around Kampala so his prophesy doesn’t come cheap. He has no time for some of you miserable chaps whose future is clattered with rat noises in your rooms, unemployment and sounds of padlocks put on your houses for unpaid rent.
Those things of dropping coins in the offertory bags at his gatherings are almost blasphemous. C’mon, it’s not a hardware shop. Drop that stash in the bag or go home. It is that simple. To be like the flamboyant Mbonye, here is your manual:

Discover your gift and use it
It is unlikely that some of you will ever have the gift of predicting the future. It is not for everyone, you know. Some of you cannot look beyond your next breath to know what will happen in the future. You live every moment as it comes, by accident. This gift is not for you. Look within for that one special gift and use it. Get something that will make these mortals think you are out of this world. A career as a quack prophet is not advisable but applicable. While you may not be entirely gifted, you can buy the gift. Invite actors and play out a prophesy. Just make sure the cheques are being effected.
The only downside is that the thunder that the Lord has planned for you is running up and down the treadmill.

Prophet of Dime……..
This guy once made pledge cards requesting his flock to contribute 200k and above for some tent. Can you imagine this kind of insanity? People were left stunned by this move. Would it fly them to heaven or cover them from the sins of the world? Dude, that’s someone’s rent. Mbonye is no UN so you can forget any humanitarian help. If your wages limit you to a 20mbs bundle daily, you are not his kind of flock. You and the rest of the other broke sheep can run to Kakande’s.
To be like Prophet Mbonye, desist from the sheep that reek of strife and hardship. Forget the sheep whose next meal ticket is uncertain. Chill with chaps whose future looks like it is in safe hands. If they are not sure of where their future is destined, help them discover it. Do not help a guy whose destiny is riding a boda boda.

Flamboyant Mbonye
Pastors in Uganda love to look sleek. They drive expensive cars, live in plush mansions and go the extra mile as far as fashion is concerned. In fact, most of them are outlandish with their style, often choosing curtain-like fabric to complete their look. Mbonye is no exception. He has banked on a very generous congregation to bankroll his fashion taste.
To be like Mbonye, you are also going to need to put some kind of church in your backyard. Talk your flock into believing the power of God and how it manifests into your life. Just grab that offertory bag and head out to any fashion store. Your fashion dreams will be achieved.
There you go. You can now be like Prophet Elvis Mbonye.

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