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How to be… the ever-whining MP Odonga Otto

THE CRYBABY: He is the kind of guy who will have something to say about everything as long as he can give it a negative twist. MP Odongo Otto is a typical crybaby and he is the kind of guy who would fit perfectly in a telenovela. So feel free to call him Babarita…

Aruu County MP Odonga Otto has always been one for the headlines — the not-so-good ones mostly. It is partly because he just won’t shut up about issues so dear to him and also because he loves the attention that comes with it. Odonga Otto is arguably one of the most vocal and intelligent legislators in Parliament today. He will come out guns blazing on controversial issues. In the past, he has shaken the floor of Parliament with some strong debates and kept the government on its toes with his fierce criticism. The chap does not like the government too much and is not afraid to let them know why once in a while.
Odonga Otto must have been a rebel child. It explains why he is never in anyone’s good books. He disturbs the peace just about every time. And when you thought that you had seen it all, Otto tries to show you that Telemundo might be missing talent.
But for a man who is known to whine all the time, he can certainly do better. Like seriously, how do you wail in public and not afford a single tear? There hasn’t been a worse audition in history but with Otto, you can be sure that there will be a next time. You can do it Odonga, hard luck bruv!
To be like the Odonga Otto aka Barbarita/Paloma, here is your guide:

Mr Take No Prisoners
When Odonga Otto is not trying out theatrics, he can be a serious man. He has viciously come out against corruption time and again and called for corrupt officials to be jailed. The FDC member has also always poked the leopard’s rear without fear and trust me, no one wants to do that. He has literally made the leopard scatter with its tail between the legs.
To be like Odonga Otto, don’t run from trouble, look for it. You know that idiot who is always snitching his workmates in office? Be that kind of person (mehnn! everyone hates such people) Spare no one. Make sure all the thieving rats are brought out of the darkness.
Odonga Otto must have been those chaps who foxed their friends back in high school. To be like Odonga Otto, be ready to die. Your next glass of juice could be the best poison on the market. The price of foxing your peeps is heavy.
Whine up…
You know the nagging wife who won’t give her hubby peace? The one who asks questions and answers them at the same time? Or the one who gives her hubby a dress down for coming home late? A nagging wife is probably a bigger problem than ISIS. They spew vile, irrigate your face with saliva and shove their opinions down your throat. To be anything like Odonga Otto, you will need some of these traits. Blow up petty issues in your neighbourhood. Should a tap of water break down in your bathroom, organise a community demonstration. Become a poor man’s Nelson Mandela and walk around the neighbourhood with placards protesting poor water services. This is only applicable to people who pay their water bills. Complain about everything in the world from bad governance to the heavy stench in your armpits. Do this and you will have Odonga Otto pumping his chest with pride.

Be a Paloma
Telemundo is popular in Uganda and I would understand why Odonga Otto would like to try out something new. It is no secret that Odonga Otto has developed mastery in whining through struggles with tears. It is an industry that is deep in emotions and crying is very key. Odonga Otto has showed the commitment that could be vital for roles in Telemundo soaps, although he is yet to deliver. Did you see that moment when Otto saw Winnie Byanyima heading into court to stand surety for her nephew? The fake tears! Ooh God! Where was the director looking? He could have surely asked him to have a second take. Bambi the guy tried.

To be like Odonga Otto, reflect on all the heartbreaks you have gone through. Like dude, you cannot fail to find that ka one tear to make you a Telemundo king or queen. If you are the kind who goes crying yourself silly to the girl who left you, you are disappointing all men but one, the mighty Odonga Otto. Cry a little, fix your make-up and cat-walk out of misery. Otto, we see you bro.
Well there you have it. Go ahead and be like Hon Odonga Otto.


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