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How to be the dramatic Betty Nambooze


The outspoken one. She is a role model for many girls in Mukono Municipality, and probably around – not with her outspoken attitude, daring nature and funny character. She reminds us of those chicks on district quota system who knew what they wanted and they went for it. So, if you are the kind who likes to fight for your rights while drawing attention, maybe you are like Betty Nambooze. Ian Ford Nkera writes.

The outspoken Mukono Municipality MP Betty Nambooze has proved to us just how far the girl child has come. As in, the girl child came from farrrrrr. Forget these days where a chick only goes to the kitchen when she is using the exit door to go hang her clothes. Those days, many chicks only lived in kitchens. They choked on smoke for many hours and the only outing was to the plantations. Would you imagine? They were child bearing machines despised by society. They had no say in whatsoever. They were kept in the background, saw little or no education and their esteem was crashed severely.
Fast forward to 2016, the girl child is educated, too opinionated and running the show. Betty Nambooze is a classic example. She has showed us how amazing it is to empower the girl child and show her the power of civilisation. Imagine bringing a girl from the deepest pockets of Mukono, showing her the beautiful lights of Kampala city and taking her around for a tour. Your job will be done. I am sure Nambooze was ecstatic the first time she set foot in Kampala, almost like a dream come true.
It is very unfortunate no one showed her just one boutique or salon. Nambooze is now enlightened, very outspoken and easily one of the most controversial political figures in the land. If you want to be like her, here is your guide:

Village Belle turned Town Gazelle
We have many people who jumped on buses many miles away to come and start a life in Kampala, but many years later, it is like they are still on the bus. They are still travelling. They are not only local in living but also local in spirit. A moment of silence for our Masaka people who maintain an old tradition of using white table cloths to wrap the seats in their cars. They are a special lot. Of course, without forgetting the ka dummy dog that always sits on the dashboard. But who even distributes these things? It is a long trip to civilisation for this lot but you can be sure about reaching your destination.
Betty Nambooze did not make the Great Trek to the city for nothing. She came for a transformation. She seems healthier, looks good and sounds more exposed. She can now speak English with some swagger. To be like Betty Nambooze, always ask when you are stuck. If you can’t find a radio on your new iPhone, raise your hand, ask and you will be helped. This is how we learn and fit in.

Half-petty Betty with the ‘nacho’ hair
As we celebrate how far the girl child has come, we can’t ignore the few challenges. Even with her clout and place in society, Nambooze still dresses like a student teacher. You know the miserable trainee teachers we had back in school? The ones who arrived at the canteen before the students. Yes, those ones. Dressing has never been her thing really.
To be like Nambooze from the block, forget the clock. This means forget moving with the times or trends. Trends are for people with time on their hands. Busy people dwell on the little details in fashion. Who cares about cute lingerie when you can just grab a Mothers Union and off you go? Half-petty is the business. Buy in.
Betty Nambooze would be any man’s dream woman. Never to hustle with salon problems. Throw her one bottle of shampoo and she is good to go. Keep the hair simple, neat and walk smartly like Nambooze.
To be like Nambooze, remove the weaves and go ‘nacho’. I know this is like suicide to many Ugandan chicks but it doesn’t hurt to try. You could look something close to Amber Rose. And we don’t mean you Nambooze. Take a seat in the corner those ends.

Betty the cantakerous one
Well,Betty is divorced from anything that calls for peace. She has on countless occasions bashed the government using uncouth language, walked out of State of the Nation addresses and made a nuisance of herself. A drama queen always threatening the impossible, such as stripping. Kindly don’t think too deep into this. It is as if sentencing your brain cells to death.
To be anything like Nambooze, first check if you are not already like her. You find a chick walking out of a date because you asked her to split the date. Where are your manners? You know the chicks who always want to make noise over small things, exaggerating stuff? Don’t lose your mind and your fake hair over simple texts from other chicks. We are just texting. Deal with it., Twitter: @spoiltbrat88

DISCLAIMER: This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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