All those wigs! Multi-coloured hair and an uncoordinated fashion sense define her… oh, and lately, being a rent runaway. If you have as much nerve to pull off the things she does, Ian Ford Nkera tips on how you can be like Straka baiby Mwezi.
If you ever wondered what could have been worse than the unfortunate earthquake in Nepal, it is the mere thought and sight of Straka Mwezi. Tragedy is given more meaning every time you are faced with the nightmare of having to look at Straka’s different tribes of coloured wigs and hideous fashion sense. Controversy has followed her like a plague all her life with her choice of love interests and constant battles with landlords always drawing discussion in the tabloid news.
She also has a larger than life personality, which explains her long tenure on Uganda’s TV airwaves as the host of the once popular Late Night Show on WBS. Team Mechanics and Team Housegirls have made up a huge number of her loyal following for the last 16 years she has been on television and I can affirm that she is still going strong.
If you have ever wanted to live out a scene from a bad soap opera movie or choose a life path of scandal and ridicule, I will delightfully guide you on how you can be like the celebrated TV host.
Bad Hair Day… everyday
Straka has had a prolonged bad hair day for the past decade or so, and she never really seems bothered. She moves from one hair calamity to another with so much ease. It takes a lot of courage to show up in public with a green wig, but if Straka is your fashion icon, looking like a clown must be a boundary you are willing to cross. With Straka, anything colourful can work pretty well on the head. The Straka we know could wear flower petals on her head to an event without a single worry, so you must be willing to push the envelope just a little bit.
If you are going to be anything like the legendary Straka, your love life should be like a soap opera. A horrible one at that. The one that always ends in heartbreak and emotional turmoil. If you are linked to guys like Sizzaman and Gravity Omutujju, things cannot be right but we cannot judge Straka for her peculiar taste in men.
To be like Straka, you are going to have to choose the guys that your mother warned you about. Go for the scruffy bad boys and if they come younger, you are good to go. Straka likes to play the ‘mama’ of her alleged boy toys, so your love interests should be young enough to be taken to the children’s park.
Straka and rent arrears are a match made in heaven. This popular TV host lives to default on rent and as expected, landlords are always having her for a meal. She runs from one landlord’s arms into another. It is no longer a chain, but slavery. Somehow Straka cannot get out of their grip, just like recently when she was sneaking out of her house in the wee hours of the morning only to be blocked by her landlord.
To be like Straka, you must be willing to make your landlord your enemy. Give him those classic “Come Back in a few days” lines to keep him hoping. Default until you cannot do it anymore. If he persists, accuse him of sexual assault. That should buy you some time.
“ Wedding fee”
Bambi Straka overestimated her brand. She thought that by virtue of being a local music TV show host, people had to earn the right to attend her wedding to Sizzaman. Basically, they had to buy their way into the auditorium to see the great Straka walk down the aisle, but I guess we all know how that turned out.
To be like Straka, you must have the audacity of placing a wedding fee for guests to witness you exchange vows. Everyone purportedly dying to see you married should leave some money at the entrance. If no one shows up, do not lose hope. You probably communicated the wrong date on the wedding card.
There has always been a mystery about the father of Straka’s children. First of all, it is always surprising that she is pregnant (apparently it is hard to tell if she is pregnant or not) and when she gives birth, the mystery of the baby daddies never ends. The supposed baby daddies always deny paternity and poor Straka has to go all about it on her own. But some guys have nerves. Eh!
To be like Straka, you must do something that makes all your baby daddies vanish from responsibility. If you are a guy out there who has fathered a child with Straka, please don’t be ashamed to come out and claim paternity. There is nothing to be ashamed about. We also have some girls who have many children with different unknown fathers. Madame, may the Lord heal you.
So, this girl is the kind of person you look up to, there you have it. Go ahead and be like Straka baiby!
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.