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How to be… Team Tubonga Naawe


The yellow crew. They donned their best yellow outfits and set out to meet the President. For pledging their allegiance come 2016, they bagged Shs400m. If you envied them, here is your guide from Ian Ford Nkera.

Yellow outfits, yellow plates, yellow smiles, Chameleone on his knees ‘worshipping’ Sevo the almighty, Santa Anzo the cry baby, King Saha looking lost and President Yoweri Museveni temporarily forgetting that he once called Arts useless. In a nutshell, those were some of the scenes at the recent dinner at Speke Resort Munyonyo Hotel where Ugandan musicians, comedians and fashion personalities swore their undying love and support for NRM presidential flag bearer Yoweri Museveni for the forthcoming elections.
On the same night, the musicians officially launched the Tubonga Naawe (we are with you) song that highlighted the good things President Museveni has done for the country, blah blah. The ‘profound love’ for Museveni even brought Bebe Cool and Dr Jose Chameleone on one table. Would you believe that the two were on their best behaviour, cheering Mzee on at every chance they got? Unbelieveable! Bambi even Museveni appreciated everyone being unusually nice and handed them a small token of Shs400m, which they did not expect, of course, (Hahahahaha). If you want to be like the Tubonga Naawe Crew of entertainers, here is the manual:

Short-term memory
The musicians forgot about that nonsense they call the copyright law. Until recently, this was one law that every musician yearned and prayed for. It is a law that would instantly make them earn more but they chose to forget about it and not mention anything to the President.
It was not an issue, I guess. If you want to be like the Tubonga Naawe crew, you must learn to forget the issues that cause you anguish and simply move past everything. If you cannot smile genuinely, force it. We all know that chick who dumps a guy for no good reason to go and explore new things with other guys.
When things do not work out with other guys and she returns to the first guy, be the guy that chooses to take her back like nothing happened. Forgive and forget, they said. Haahahaha.


Love made in China?
Who knew Juliana Kanyomozi supported Mzee? Apparently she does. If you doubt, check the pictures that were taken and you will notice Juliana smiling -ear-to-ear like a teenager on visitation day. She sang the national anthem hideously well that people were seen doubting themselves when they sang their version. Even Mun G was invested with emotion all in the name of Sevo. Who knew? If you want to be like the Tubonga Naawe Crew, go out of character to portray your love. Think yellow and possibly dream in yellow. Drown your infant in yellow paint to declare love for the NRM if you must. If your teeth are in NRM colours too, you are blessed my friend. Support NRM with all your heart like King Saha and Haruna Mubiru. Lol

Sevo oyeee
Mr President is surely loved. Santa Anzo titrated the floor with her tears all in the name of love for the President. Chick got emotional on the General, mbu “daddy this daddy that”. We saw the General also pulling an act of sympathy as if he was the world’s most caring man. Chameleone even knelt for the man. We all know Chameleone’s ego would never allow him to do such a thing, but he did. If you want to be like the Tubonga Naawe crew, be very willing to stoop to lows no one has ever imagined. Kneel before your workmates and beg your boss for a promotion. You will probably look stupid in front of everyone but you should not be apologetic about anything. You have an aim so stick by it.
On the whole, this Tubonga Naawe stuff was just a gimmick to force the President to open his heavy purse. Everything looked cosmetic to say the least. It told a story about the struggles of the ordinary musician but I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion like I am entitled to mine.
If the behaviour of the Tubonga Naawe crew was something to draw inspiration from, there is your guide.

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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