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How to be Tamale Mirundi


LOUD MOUTH: Cantankerous, abrasive, blunt and unapologetic are some of the superlatives you could use to describe the President Museveni’s bark dog who also doubles as his press secretary, writes Ian Ford Nkera.
In a heavy indigenous accent, he will attack anyone or anything that might threaten the peace of the President with a touch of arrogance and wit. A verbal militant who has been at war with just about anyone from moralists to politicians, Tamale Mirundi continues to fight the verbal wars on behalf of the President often leaving a trail of enemies everywhere he sets foot. I hereby walk you through the life of the man who is as abusive as he is entertaining.

Stupid Republic
In Mirundi’s world, no one measures up intellectually so you are all just a bunch of fools. Mirundi has a special dislike for adults who reason at kindergarten level, with professors from some universities in Uganda being the biggest culprits. Many of your opinions don’t matter to him so he feels like he is a teacher dealing with “baby class” toddlers. The guy studied Mass Communication at university so his brains are up there. If you want to be like the great Mirundi, distance yourself from anyone that has a peasantry mindset. They are contagious, so run as fast as you can.

Say it as it is
So if you are going to get offended by what Mr Tamale Mirundi says, I am afraid you might just want to turn off your TV set. We are talking about the most independent minded person who spits words with so much venom that you might just want to keep your children away or worry for your ears. He has never been one to mince words, often using uncouth language to make his views clear and this has seen him in battle with clergymen and many other moralists. Remember when you asked your parents as a child how you came into this earth. Tamale Mirundi is the kind of guy who will tell a child how he came into this earth. No shame. Always be independent minded and bold if you are going to be like Tamale Mirundi.

Friends????What for??
“I only befriend someone when our interests meet,” once declared Tamale Mirundi. He has been quoted saying that no one out there can claim to be his friend and he isn’t in search of friendship. In Mirundi’s world, seeking friendship makes him appear desperate so he has chosen a life of solitude. He of course has a strong admiration for his boss, President Museveni, but he also claims they aren’t much of friends as one would expect. He doesn’t need your sympathy so he can as well stick it out on his own. Be that guy that only has one number in your phone book and also have it blacklisted. You don’t need your life too crowded.

My principles, my life
He is a guy first of all who hates his Christian name and rarely uses it. Mirundi also has his reservations on monogamy and he has demonstrated that by having two wives who live in their own separate plush residences. Mirundi doesn’t have your average Ugandan man’s beliefs, so that should tell you just the kind of man he is. Oh and he also believes that his Kabaka isn’t all that, so you guys kissing the ground he walks on are all just small-minded people. He is a different kind of Muganda who fights his own daily. It’s your life, so you could as well live it the way it pleases you. That’s the Mirundi way, so do the same. There you have it. That’s Tamale Mirundi for you.



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