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How to be …Ragga Dee


Music veteran: He has been around the music scene for more than 20 years and he calls himself the grandfather of Ugandan music. Ian Ford Nkera guides on how to keep around like the man who wants to be mayor.

Dan Kazibwe aka Ragga Dee, a veteran singer wants to be the Lord Mayor of Kampala and he is very serious about it. This might actually be one of the times Ragga Dee is serious about something, but who will honestly believe him? It’s not the first time the veteran singer has nursed political ambitions but you can be sure that many people will be quick to dismiss this as a desperate ploy to remain relevant.
If I were in Ragga Dee’s shoes, I would probably do the same but what if he was actually serious about serving his people through politics? Maybe there is more to Ragga Dee than just his baggy clothes and his bubblegum kindergarten music. Ugandan politics is full of comedy anyway so Ragga Dee would fit in perfectly. If you want to be like Uganda’s music godfather, here is your guide.

It’s never that serious
Ragga Dee doesn’t take life too seriously. As other musicians were so invested in singing all these cheesy love songs, Ragga Dee taught us that you could sing about anything including the alphabet. I am sure everyone remembers Letter O. It is surprising that people loved it. If you want to be like Ragga Dee, it’s time to look at the lighter side of things and loosen up a little. Grab your boss at a staff party and take them through the Bend Over dance.

Beef is for eating
Ragga Dee owes us at least one fight before he calls it quits in the music game. You can’t have an entire industry go to war and you are probably at home rinsing utensils. Our musicians live for the thrill of chaos but not Ragga Dee whose only worry is a rampant waist size. The only beef Ragga Dee knows is most likely the steak on his plate. If you want to be like Ragga Dee, never be provoked into a fight. Be like the guy who catches his woman cheating and walks away without throwing a punch. It’s usually okay to throw a flower vase instead when such things happen. God will understand.

Be evergreen
Ragga Dee is by fact a musical dinosaur but when we are ready to throw him into a museum, he still finds a way to make himself remotely relevant. Trust me, you will see another Ugandan president before you listen to another hit song from Ragga Dee but somehow he will stay around with acceptable music. You won’t believe it but Mr Kazibwe still does music. To be like Ragga Dee, always find a way to stick around even when many people have written you off. Don’t lose your job and make it evident in your life choices. You shall continue to buy a beer of 8k at Riders Lounge even when the rats at your home are starting to seek accommodation elsewhere. Let it be Versace for richer or for poorer.

As the likes of Ziza Bafana will cling onto music for their last hope in life, Ragga Dee will have other things to engage him to earn a decent living. This guy is a top luxury car dealer and has thrived in other businesses too. You won’t find him announcing that he is building a house like some artistes do but we are told, he is huge on real estate too. If you want to be like Ragga Dee, try to diversify your hustle. Desist from typical civil servant behaviour and try a hand at business. Do anything. You could charge entrance fee to the neighbours who come to watch the soccer games in your house. Be creative.

Mid-life crisis
A teenager would delightfully go into Ragga Dee’s closet and find something to wear. Obviously a teenager of the 90s and not the one of 2015. A teenager in 2015 is more interested in a jean hugging him to death than the “larger-than -life” Ragga Dee denim jeans. Ragga Dee is still in the Phat Farm era donning baggy clothes even at his advanced age. If you are an adult and you want to be like Ragga Dee, internship starts on MTV and ends at the Buzz Teeniez Awards. There are many valuable fashion lessons to pick there. The tighter the clothes, the better.
There you have it. Go be like aspiring Lord Mayor Ragga Dee.

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.

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