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How to be: Prof Gilbert Bukenya

Gilbert Bukenya

Self-styled mahogany: Prof Gilbert Bukenya has lived a full life. From the humble beginnings as a son of local brewer to professor of medicine, to vice president of Uganda. Ian Ford Nkera takes you through the steps of how to become a “Mahogany”

Forever married to controversy, we have seen the NRM honcho Prof Gilbert Bukenya make his comeback into the headlines for the umpteenth time. His claim to infamy this time around has something to do with him throwing his weight behind DP’s Brenda Nabukenya in the recently concluded Luweero Woman MP by-elections. And while possibly applicable, I don’t mean weight in its literal sense. He ditched NRM flag bearer Rebecca Nalwanga for DP’s Nabukenya. Was it an act of mockery, or a stamp of authority to whoever deemed him irrelevant? Quite a risky move I must say but a huge part of Bukenya’s life has had a risk element to it. I, hereby, take you through ways you could be like him.

Rags to riches
You will have to be the poster boy of the rags to riches tale. You will have to tell people a marketable story about how you beat odds against you. Something like how you went for days without food or clothing and walked miles on foot to school. Tell people about how you showed up at your wedding dressed in a vest. People would kill for such stories. Be very convincing.

Porf. BukenyaBe the perfect puppet
Smile, laugh, talk and walk like your boss. Don’t just be your boss’ biggest fan, be his direct replica. Do things that would mirror your boss. And even after you fall out with your boss, keep doing things like him. It could earn you a reprimand.

Be the jilted ex-lover
Enjoy a whirlwind office romance with your boss and always speak highly of him. You are guaranteed to climb up the ranks to probably the second most powerful position at the office. Like fate would have it, fall out with the boss and have your butt kicked out with immediate effect. Like the jilted lover, start a hate campaign against your boss. Speak ill of him and forever underline your status as the biggest joke in your office circles and confirm why your middle name is Balibaseeka.

Be the next Hugh Hefner
Prof Bukenya knows how to kick it with the young ladies. In text book Hugh Hefner style, you must mix well with hot young things. The young ladies should come in the mould of sexy singers and socialites around town. You should play out these little escapades in the media. Be photographed embracing them but nothing to worry about as this would never break your marriage that has stood the test of time.

Be the sneaky altar boy
Like Bukenya who is a devout Catholic, you will have to be an altar boy trusted by the church. But word will go around that you have done things against the church’s teaching. You could serve time in the coolers but to be Bukenya, the case has to be dismissed. And lest we forget, you must be that altar boy who has visited a traditional healers’ shrine, but always return to church and take the front row seat.

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