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How to be Nasser Ntege Sebaggala

Man of the people: Sebaggala waves to supporters. Bottom is the former mayor dancing with his friend, musician Desire Luzinda at her previous concert. FILE PHOTOSSeya: He is loved by the people and even loved more by the ladies. This Hajj has had an illustrious political career, and an enviable social life. Ian Ford Nkera guides you on how to become a Seya.

Where there is a verb on collision course with a noun, you can count on a certain man to be in the driving seat. And where there is slaughter of every syllable in the English language, only one butcher comes to mind. That man can only be the very flamboyant former Mayor of Kampala Hajj Nasser Ntege Sebaggala. A regular on the political and social circuits, the man fondly known as Seya has gone on to daze the public with his lean grasp of the English language, a very illustrious political life and a very ‘public’ personal life that would fit a scene in a soap opera movie. I hereby take you into the world of Seya.

Star taffa
Die in Part One and come back stronger in Part Two. It doesn’t matter whether you were locked up overseas for having your own version of dollars or that you were ousted from your seat, always have a comeback strategy. No one has fallen more times than Seya and just when you think he is down and out, he always comes back with something new up his sleeve. From mayor to convict back to mayor can only tell half the story about the grit of this man. To be anything like Seya, you must be like that soccer team that equalizes and wins deep in extra time. Star taffa!!!!

Man of the people
Sebaggala has pulled mammoth crowds at his rallies because he is…well…Seya. A man of the people who has always identified with the common people and always stood for them. He enjoys iconic status in the most impoverished and economically deprived areas like Kisenyi as they have always seen him as one of their own. Like Seya has done, you will have to do extra ordinary stuff to get the kind of fame he enjoys amongst the locals. You could get photocopying paper and craft yourself your own version of shillings and make business out of them. Ofcourse police who are haters will put you in, but this shouldn’t worry you as you will be received with a hero’s welcome. That should definitely get your ratings up.

Professor Seya
Can you imagine studying so hard but getting all these people doubting your academic credentials. How dare they? Imagine investing all you have into education and getting people doubting you. Seya has had people doubt his academic background so what does he do? He decides to bring out all his documents for the whole world to see. Like ‘professor’ Sebaggala, bring out that certificate you got after breaking a lot of sweat in those Taekwondo classes. That document is very relevant and should beef up your CV. Make sure you do not leave out that certificate you got from that PE (Physical Education) class. Even that Diploma in Adult Education should be fronted because it shows that you are taking this adult thing seriously. Why struggle to be an adult yet you could study to be one. People will respect you that I can guarantee.

English is not your motherland
Listening to Seya speak makes you forever proud of that C6 you scored in your O – Level final English exam. Not a single time have tenses gone astray than when the famed politician has geared himself to speak. At shutter speed, he delivers his speeches with admirable confidence that you have got no choice but to love the man. His speeches in English have given life to an often clueless local comedy industry. A darling to interviewers and the media, Seya continues to amaze. To be anything close to the great Ssebagala, feel free to tell the people that manners depend on where you grew and who grew you. When your driver makes a fool of himself moving in circles, feel free to ask him why he is ‘TOLERATING’ around, a direct translation to mean, “kulwaki yetolola” in the Luganda dialect.

Play boy
If Seya is not getting down and heavy with his rumoured longtime squeeze Desire Luzinda, he is siring a lovechild with the famed socialite Sylvia Owori or partying with the finest dames in the city. A true playboy with the charm of a soap opera lead actor, Seya has gone on to leave a trail of heartbreak everywhere he has gone. A testimony that the hyped English language doesn’t get you really far but a blend of charm and bags of cash does. Therefore to be like Seya, have that woman with whom you shared a single room muzigo back in your struggle days as your first wife and keep her in the background. And when you make it, get all these other girls seeking their 15 minutes of fame, entertain them with a flashy lifestyle and when they start being slippery, give them that kid they hadn’t planned for. And these are national issues so make sure you sit comfortably on the front page of the many tabloids regularly. What you do in the dark should be brought to the light.

 

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