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How to be Mr Safe Hands Denis Onyango

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CATCHING BALLS: He may not be able to save you from your financial woes, but shoot any ball in his direction and chances are high that it will fall in Denis Onyango’s hands. Besides saving the goals that sealed our fate against Comoros, Onyango also does magic at his South African club, Mamelodi Sundowns. Want to emulate this guy, here is your guide.

Many teenage girls fantasise about their heroes and crushes turning up to save them from evil in the middle of nowhere. They dream of being whisked away into safety by their muscled knight with romantic music streaming in the background. Funny though, reality always has other plans. It will present her a guy who could never run a meter to save his own life, let alone save that of another. A guy who would most likely abandon her and run for the hills when the notorious kifeesi crew attack. Reality will hand her a ‘vegetable’ for a husband or a boyfriend. But thank God, we all have our hero in Mamelodi Sundowns and Cranes goalkeeper Denis Onyango.
This dude could literally save your relationship, your career, and even save you from your financial woes. And for a guy whose day job entails saving his team from conceding goals, he could pretty much save anything.
This guy got us to the first African Cup of Nations in 38 years with some superb saves and is on course to win the African Champions League this year with South African outfit, Mamelodi Sundowns. And if you thought that was all, you thought wrong. He was even shortlisted for the CAF African Player of the year and CAF African Player of the year based in Africa. Amazing stuff right there!
So in case you want to be like Uganda Cranes shot-stopper, here is your manual:

Patience and Hardwork
It has not been smooth sailing for the big man. Denis Onyango had to endure some time on the bench at his club before he got his chance to shine. The guy sat on the bench for so long that people started doubting if he was even at the club. It is because they never saw their hero on TV. He was the Cranes number one goalkeeper, always putting up solid performances for his country yet surprisingly the chief spectator back at his club. His situation was hard to explain to anyone. His critics quickly called for him to be dropped from the national team.
But he stuck around, worked hard and when he got his chance, his life changed. Do you hate school or your job? Chances are that we all do. Some of these bosses work so hard at ignoring their employees’ good work, it hurts. All they do is swing in their executive chairs and hurl insults across the room. No feedback, no promotion, nothing!
Like Onyango, warm that seat in your cubicle. Work overtime, stomach the boss’ insults and fix him tea (Please do not poison his tea). Tolerate your annoying workmates, play house with office cockroaches and wait for that appointment email. It could take days, weeks or months. Just do not quit until it comes. Kids, whatever you do, do not quit school.

“Mr Safe Hands”
Onyango has got the safest pair of hands in Uganda at the moment. Not a ball, rumour or anything can go past him. When shots are thrown at him these days, it is like he is playing ball with his children at the park. It tends to look easy for Onyango between the goal sticks. The guy could save anything. He has saved Uganda a number of times with some heart-stopping saves. Would he save your financial situation? Hahaha. For some of you, not a chance. Some of your financial woes would not be saved even if Jesus had to die another time. If your financial woes were thrown at Onyango, they would probably go past him and tear through the goal nets. And for your relationships? Maybe just a few of them would be saved.
To be like the shot-stopping Onyango, you will have to fiercely protect what is behind you. If the crowd runs from chaos and you run too, you have failed the task.
Confront anything thrown at you unless it is a bunch of hooligans running your way. Show her you are man enough by running off with her. Special shout outs to guys who will not enter their room because a rat invaded. C’mon don’t let the children see you.

Be humble
Denis Onyango is humble despite all he has achieved. While his peers choose a life of booze and women, he continues to live a quiet life with his wife and four sons in South Africa. The hype has never gotten to his head. Even when he was still here at SC Villa, the guy was still as cool as ice. Such a likeable guy! In Uganda, a chap gets a salary increment of a ka 200k and wants to hire out the entire VIP lounge in a nightclub. Some celebs hold journos by the neck to have stories written about them.
To be like Onyango, let your work do the talking. When people are screaming your name, smile and walk away. Do not give them a microphone. You do not have to walk with groupies everywhere. Attention gets you nowhere. People eventually laugh at you.
Well there you have it. You can now be like Cranes custodian Denis Onyango.

Twitter: @spoiltbrat

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