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How to be …… Meddie Sentongo

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Get rich quick: You could switch your muzigo in Bwaise for a Kololo mansion in just one day. Ian Ford Nkera guides you on how to achieve that … if you don’t mind a stint behind bars.

“To hell with dandruff,” these were probably the last utterances of a barber when he run into a call girl on the Speke Road streets with over $4m (about Shs11.2b) to spare. All he had to do was pretend that this girl meant the world to him and in return he would get the life that he only dreamt of back home in Mityana.
It wasn’t long before Meddie Sentongo, a renowned barber ditched the shaver for a life of affluence and pomp complete with flashy rides and beautiful girls suffocating his privacy. The man who not long ago could identify “after-shave” as the only spirit he knew could now sip on other expensive spirits. He had become a socialite and a party starter of sorts.
It turned out that the little show of extravagance by himself and the call girl we got to learn as Bad Black was because they had defrauded an unsuspecting Briton in the breath of David Greenhalgh. While David could put up with Bad Black’s illiteracy and financial indiscipline, he couldn’t put up with Bad Black’s intimate liaisons with Meddie Sentongo. He quickly accused them of fraud and then Meddie Sentongo sought accommodation in Luzira prison for about a year and a half before getting out to a life of strife and struggle. He has remained relatively quiet on the social scene, hanging out with the Rich Gang once in a while, but if you ever found traits about him admirable. Here is your guide on how you can be like him:

Love with purpose
Love with a goal. Don’t vibe a girl because you love the way her nose sits regally on her face but vibe her because her friend is a sister to a cousin of the MD of some organisation. That drink you buy for a girl in a bar should be your gatepass to success. You can’t discriminate a girl because of her looks especially when you project your income improving in the future. Just see how Meddie handled Bad Black. He decided to hobnob with a lady of the night to have his bills paid. So even if it is the tough Otafiire’s daughter that you will have to vibe to meet a certain goal, be strong and go after what you want. I insist, be strong.

OB of Luzira Prisons College
Meddie Sentongo is one of the alumni of the prestigious college after a stint that took just about 18 months. He worked well with another renown student Mike Mukula who unfortunately didn’t complete his education there but the two did strike a bromance at the School of Hardnocks. Meddie captained the College’s football team and occasionally chipped in as the team sponsor.
If you nurse any plans of getting admitted into the prestigious college, the good news is that tuition is absolutely free. All you have to do is present pass-slips with distinctions in Bufeere (fraud) and you are good to go. Registration is open everyday so you can go to the Head Offices in Luzira at any time of your convenience. Just so you know, the college only has the boarding section.

Businessman turned Socialite
The smart businessman in Meddie came to life when he decided to walk around with the muzungu’s cheque book to procure acres of land, various houses and invest in a host of other businesses. That same smart businessman in Meddie died when he chose a not-so smart lifestyle of Socialitism (being a socialite). He became as rare as a bottletop at a party moving with kanyamas everywhere he went and got linked to just about every chick in those socialite circles. Be the kind of farmer who takes all the proceeds of a successful poultry project to the bar counter.

Guys I still got it
So imagine you are this highflying citizen that everyone associates with a big wallet and all of a sudden the script changes and you are forced to start from scratch and probably live off handouts again. Guys such as Meddie get delusional and suffocate themselves trying to live their old lives of extravagance. When you used to drive a Range Rover and the thought of driving first class on the kameme of a taxi comes to mind, some people run crazy. I was hurt to see Meddie Sentongo blow his ntandikwa on Chameleone’s One Million Concert to be honest. Being like Meddie will require you never to back down.

DISCLAIMER
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.

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