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how to be … Maureen Walube Kyalya


No filters. She will say things just because she wants to say something. We all saw her during the presidential debate – she was like those spoilt kids whose mouth you want to pull so they can control themselves. Last week she reminded us of her presence and Ian Ford Nkera’s guides you on how to be Maureen Kyalya.

Former presidential candidate Maureen Walube Kyalya lit up the 2016 presidential elections. Not only was she the only female aspiring for the country’s top office, but also the most candid and opinionated. She gave her views on everything, and I mean everything. It did not matter whether she made sense or not, she spoke her mind. Quite frankly, this was one of her admirable traits. You don’t get too many fearless women making bold moves and giving men a run for their money these days.
Kyalya’s biggest undoing was looking at every issue from Busoga’s perspective. She often lacked depth and didn’t seem to know the world beyond her balcony in Busoga. Her love and closeness to Busoga did not win her favours, though, as she was floored in her own backyard by the ruling party in the elections.
Kyalya did not take this lightly and attacked her people for letting her down and accused them of “thinking at an advanced age”. The former presidential candidate in her came out again last week when she launched a distasteful verbal tirade on Facebook, attacking ‘FDC people’ for always trying to bring her down. The embarrassing post only hinted why this country cannot be led by just anyone. If you want to be like Maureen Kyalya, here is your guide:

Be indecisive/confused
Maureen Kyalya has blown hot and cold over the years. She was once a presidential advisor on Busoga matters before jumping ship to join the FDC. She left FDC to go Independent, which is just a smart way to let the world know that you don’t know what you want.
To be like Kyalya, it would be great if you are a woman. Half of the women in Kampala don’t know what they want. A woman will have three red tops in her closet but not know which one to wear. She will cry about how there are no good guys in this city yet she walks around friendzoning every living creature, from humans to lizards in her room. And for what? The bad boy who shows up for dates in flat shoes and a toothpick in his mouth. Useless.
To be like Maureen Kyalya, jump from one thing to another. You are set.

Bold moves
Maureen Kyalya ran for presidency, her competence notwithstanding. We all like to complain about issues happening in our country but few have stepped forward to be that change. Kyalya did what everyone is afraid to do and stood for president.
Kyalya made a bold statement to Ugandans that also included a questionable fashion sense and weird choice of wigs. She stepped out for campaigns looking like a lost herbalist. Her dodgy fashion blunders aside, she had plans for the country and her region Busoga.
To be like Maureen Kyalya, you must be willing to leave your comfort zone and chase your dreams. The problem is that women’s dreams play out with a man driving a big car willing to splash them with dimes. These are the dreams some chicks be chasing. Wake up already.
To be like Kyalya, you must be ready to walk out of your Instagram fantasy and actually make something out of your life. Become a leader at your school, home or workplace. Not a leader in Facebook likes. That stuff doesn’t count.

Too much rural excitement
Maureen Kyalya is what happens when you uproot a village girl from the deepest corners and you enlighten her with education and show her around the city. She will get amused by the city lights but later make a mess of herself and remove doubt of her background.
Case in point is the way Kyalya ranted on social media about the sabotage from FDC. It was a ‘Back To My Roots’ kind of moment. Leaders act more maturely but Kyalya acted rather strangely and rural-like. The tone and choice of words is what surprised many. She gives the impression that some of the stereotypes we hear about her home area might after all be true.
If you are from Iganga and your speed of information procession is only rivaled by a 1995 Microsoft Computer, Kyalya would probably welcome you home.
There you go. Go ahead and be like Maureen Kyalya
Disclaimer: This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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