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How to be…Dixon ‘James Bond’ Okello

TALKING THE TALK: When it comes to his job, Dixon Okello will leave no stone unturned. The self-proclaimed James Bond loves his job so much that he will go an extra mile to get things done – no wonder he is the most popular security guard (oops he hates being called this). So if you think you can afford to be as passionate and emotional about your job, here is how to be…

Have you ever seen events security honcho Dixon ‘Bond’ Okello at a music concert? He always looks so disturbed and restless that you wonder who hurt him that day. He also loves to wear that trademark stone-cold frown of his everywhere he goes, dons some of the most off-colour and unflattering suits you will ever see around while he patrols some of these venues for troublemakers. He is the guy you do not want to meet when you are trying to fluke your way into a concert. He will throw you out shamelessly when your girlfriend is watching. That is one intolerant and arrogant bloke! He has embarrassed some so-called celebs who like throwing their weight around.
We could say Dixon is your poor man’s version of James Bond. While the real James Bond is more smooth, a ladies’ man and will sip a Martini between missions, Dixon is more mechanical. The guy won’t smile to a fault, frightens women with his Halloween looks and loves a bottle of Nile Special or Bell beer. Forget those sophisticated gadgets James Bond always carries to his missions, Dixon Okello still carries his radio call. Yes, a radio call. To be like the self-absorbed Dixon Okello, here is your manual:

Be angry, look angry
Those Dixon Okello angry facial expressions can only be pulled off if you were denied any sort of love growing up. If you were never visited by your parents at school on visitation days or snubbed by all the girls in high school, you can wear this look perfectly. You have every right to be angry. I mean, no one wants you. Dixon must have suffered such a painful heartbreak that he saw it fit to translate all this hatred into a night job as a security operative. Imagine the kind of energy he uses to beat up a phone thief at a concert. The guy can kill you. If you want to understand the highest levels of anger, call up your MUK lecturer friend and ask him for money. That response will be priceless and one to learn from.
To be like Dixon Okello and fuel so much anger, try supporting Manchester United and open an account with Crane Bank.

Be the poor man’s James Bond
You can be your own kind of James Bond. Who needs a fancy Aston Martin car to drive through buildings when you can simply run after the bad guys like the fast Luo man that you are? Forget the guns, take your fists to war. All you have to do is fold the sleeves of your blazer and send some punches down the faces of bad guys. You don’t have to be in Russia, Ukraine or any of those countries James Bond operates. Dixon Okello torments people at the Lugogo Cricket Oval.
To be like him, face those chaps from the comfort of your rental in Kyanja. Do it from anywhere. Save the world from bad guys in your ka humble compound. Ignore the fact that the real James Bond likes to warm up to the ladies. Dixon Okello knows he has no charm so he won’t bother forcing it. If they ask for Martinis, offer them bottles of Bell and watch them vanish in thin air. Also, do not bother yourself wearing those slim-fitting James Bond suits. Pick out anything hideous and head to work.

Be too serious about your job
Dixon ‘Bond’ Okello takes his job seriously, sometimes too seriously. He will stop at nothing to ensure that music concert lovers are safe. He is passionate when he talks about security but will probably beat you to pulp if you dared call him a security guard. Well, he is a better packaged security guard. C’mon lets all admit that he is.
To be Dixon ‘Bond’ Okello, love what you do and do it to perfection. Leave no stone unturned. The guy cannot even smile mbu he is working. Love your work so much that you start working like a robot on steroids, with no emotions at all. Well there you have it. Go ahead and be like Dixon ‘Bond’ Okello

Twitter: @spoiltbrat

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