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How to be …Desh Kananura

Too fast too furious:  Nothing describes the Panamera bar owner more than the Fast and Furious movie franchise, writes  Ian Ford Nkera

Daring, crafty and mysterious are just some of the superlatives to describe the enigma that is Andrew Kananura Kagonyera aka Desh.The bad-boy city businessman has lived almost his entire life stretching the limits of just about anything.
What many people see as impossible to do, Desh has probably already done and willing to do worryingly more. With Desh, there are simply no limits. As normal people decide to queue at Jaguar buses to get a ride to Kigali, Desh will pick his favourite bike, start it and take a ride to Kigali.
He has been raising eyebrows all his life with his endless stunts and that’s why it isn’t surprising that his adrenalin levels have taken him to the racing circuit as a rally driver. He loves the thrill of speed and has a soft spot for cars and not just any car but top of the range luxurious cars such as Audis and Rolls Royces that he also deals in.
His car deals have unfortunately invited their fair share of scandal with buyers complaining of buying Range Rovers with ‘fiat’ engines or cars that have the longevity of a Tiger Head battery.
Everything Desh does raises suspicion and that’s why he is the prime suspect in the death of Badru Kateregga who worked at his Panamera bar. He is alleged to have clobbered him to death for having a loose 30k in his pocket. The case is still in court so we shall leave the story at the “allegation” stage. If you want to be like Desh, here you go

Fashion disgrace
His wardrobe has always been one dimensional and predictable. You can be sure to find very many curtain sized T-shirts, hideous quarter pants and a lot of nothing else really. That is it for him.
He might have worn his first suit at his wedding and when he had this one chance to daze crowds who attended, he chose to look like a soccer team mascot with another ill-fitting blazer hanging off his shoulders. If you intend to emulate Desh’s fashion sense, how about you start by wearing nothing. Trust me you will be way better than him.
Crafty Desh
Simple logic dictates that when you have a car that isn’t a pick-up and you are in desperate need of a pick-up, you can go and buy that pick-up but unfortunately Desh doesn’t think that way. The guy recently saw a sleek Audi Q7 parked in his compound and thought, “Why don’t I turn this monster car into a pick-up?” He patched up the car quickly and it looked like a double cabin truck. Honestly, who does that? You have got to be suffering from the worst bout of boredom to think of something as ridiculous as that. Be the kind of guy that can import an engine from an old Peugeot into a Mercedes Benz with ease.
Car is bae
In cars, Desh found a companion. Well, he might have found a life-long companion in his new wife Sheila Taratibu but the sentimental attachment Desh has for his luxurious toys supersedes any kind of love out there. If he had his way, he would probably camp in the boot of one of his cars. Whether he would fit is another problem all together. If Desh had the chance, he would probably live off the soot in one of the exhaust pipes of his cars. He is that type. If you want to be like Desh, you must be willing to live and die for cars. Make them part of you. And don’t get attached to taxis heading to Kasokoso, you will have to move on from those.

Survivor Always
When you think Desh Kananura has seen the worst of days and you are absolutely sure that he will be spending time behind bars, don’t be shocked to find him leaning against a wall at Panamera like nothing ever happened.
There is always a way he manages to manoeuver around the biggest court battles and swing his shorts around Kampala as a free man.
Mbu he might have close ties with the first family which always feels sorry for the guy.Naye people can talk. While people long to be friends with socialites, be the guy with strategic contacts like the numbers of kawunyemu operatives, the chief magistrates and many others. You will manage to get around.

No nonsense boss
Be the employer that takes his job a little too seriously that he is not willing to let any mistake at work go unpunished. If your worker goes around carrying the inexcusable ‘balance’ of 30k fwaa, you must be willing to make him pay the price which will be heavy.
There you have it, Go be like Desh Kananura.

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