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How to be … Barack Obama


Cool president: Obama shows that at the end of the day, he is human just like any of us, writes Ian Ford Nkera guides on how to be just like her

At some point, it was almost unthinkable for an African-American, let alone one with Kenyan heritage to be in the White House as president of the United States of America.
It wasn’t even about an issue of only race. America was for Americans and having an “African” heading their government was just defying reason. It was as simple as that. Now you get to hear that some Luo called Barack Obama had insane ambitions of becoming US President. Obviously some perceived the whole thing as a joke.
Then senator Barack Obama defied reason, racial marginalisation and the venom of critics to rise to the world’s most powerful office. Who knew? It’s something Sebuliba might not get to realise if he still insists on sending mobile money to have his girlfriend abort that “thing”. That “thing” could be the key to unlock the world’s biggest problems. And to think that Obama would be so preoccupied with the world’s problems, he recently chose to make a grand return to Kenya, the country of his father’s birth for the first time as head of state. Incredible scenes. If you ever wanted to be like the world’s most powerful man, here is your guide.

Started from the bottom
Just because Obama went to the prestigious Harvard Law School, it doesn’t mean that going through some obscure upcountry university will automatically render you a failure. The guy simply knew what he wanted and went for it. No explanations and no apologies. You will have to drop that chicken-feed mentality of self pity to make it to the top. Believe you can make it from the slums of Bwaise and Nansana to State House. Obviously, this will require a lot of faith and prayer that muzeyi can let the office go, but keep praying. It may seeem like God’s phone is in silent but he will pick up one day. If you want to be like Obama, its time to show your villagemates back in Kaberamaido that your first trip to Kampala was not wasted. Work your way up and by this I don’t mean stairs but in life.

Dotting family man

Watching Obama with his wife and children is like watching those happy family movies. He likes to hold his wife Michelle’s hand as they walk down the plane, have play dates with his daughters and all those other things no Ugandan man is likely to do in their lifetime. A typical Ugandan man will only hold their daughter’s hand when they are at a zebra crossing or if he doesn’t want his daughter to disappear in a children’s park.
To be like Barack Obama, you must cherish your family. As hard as it seems, try to hold your wife’s hand once in a while in a show of love and appreciation. Trust me, you won’t lose your life. Surprise your child and attend her school cultural show. Take your children to a children’s park. Do not take them to your local bar and lock them in your car as you go to watch an Arsenal game. Be considerate. The dude even returned to his country of origin Kenya despite his busy schedule while you nkuba kyeyos in Denmark keep giving us excuses for not returning home.

Great orator
It must be a tough call speaking after Barack Obama has spoken. As in, the audience will have switched off or worse, gone home. No one wants to listen to another person speak after Obama has held the mic. Such is the power of his moving speeches. This guy will have you abandoning all your “principles” when he gears himself to speak. Dude will speak and you will find yourself inviting the guy who kuferad (conned) you in a land deal for pork just shortly after. This guy could talk you out of a chronic drinking habit I tell you. If you want to be like Barack Obama, avoid any school Eddy Kenzo could have attended. Speak with verve and authority. Use the finger pointing gestures and head movements to drive your points home so that constituents will think that you are building them a storeyed house when in actual sense, a kiosk is all you can afford. But please, speak in a language you understand. Don’t be like some people.

‘Hip hop’ president
Barack Obama has that cool vibe about him. Despite having all these Irans and Pakistans to deal with, he still has time to wind down a day with a game of basketball. He loves to work out while listening to hip hop music. He really knows how to see the lighter side of things. Guys don’t take life too seriously. You honestly don’t have to show up in a Kaunda suit at the gym. Loosen up. It would be interesting to see President Museveni show up with his wife at the cinema. If you want to be like Obama, just be cool. I don’t know how you will do it. Maybe watch BET more or even MTV.
There you have it. Go ahead and be like the first Black President of The United States Of America, Barack Obama.
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.

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