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How to be Anne Kansiime

Anne Kansiimecomedy queen: The persona of a fun-loving infant coupled with a charisma of a native no-nonsense Mukiga from Kabale are just some of the things that have endeared her to her fans, writes Ian Ford Nkera.

Anne Kansiime’s miniature physique could pass for that of a kindergarten pupil and you would probably introduce her to your six-year-old daughter and she would feel like she already has a “quiso-pado” playmate.
Currently, the undisputed queen of comedy in Uganda, this Mukiga from Kabale has seen her fame soar as her hilarious YouTube videos have gone viral with people all over the world subscribing to a dose of her ‘insanity’. Corporate companies have been quick to cash in on her talent, making her endorse many of their products. She has dined with the Queen Of the UK, travelled all over the world picking award after award, so I hereby guide you through the world of the high-flying comedienne.

Mukiga through and through
For a person whose first visit to Kampala only came when she was reporting to Makerere University in her first year, her body language and brutal honesty in her jokes have Kabale strewn all over. Anne Kansiime cuts a demeanour of a one time rural girl from the downscale suburbs of the Rwamucucu in Kabale who saw lady luck come her way and miraculously showed up into urbanisation. She is a textbook Mukiga who has somehow marketed herself as this Kigezi dutchess, who is travelling around the world living her dreams. Pay homage to your roots if you want to be like Anne Kansiime. If you had jiggers as pets back at home in Kamuli during your childhood, be glad to inform the world. Let your roots be your identity.

Kansiime the young adult
Anne Kansiime is still stuck in her infancy and not that she is really complaining. She still rocks those knee high socks and tasks her husband Ojok to an occasional challenge of games like “Apart-together” in their backyard. She is said to have signed off many deals using crayons attesting to the fact that she is yet to go past the weaning stage. Her inability to embrace adulthood hasn’t faulted her as she is adored for her playful and childish style of comedy. Be the type of guy that dons your son’s Ben 10 T-shirts to an Arsenal game in some bar. The boys will be forever proud of you.

Talented comedienne
Kansiime is talented, I guess. Why then would a bunch of idle people around the world run to her YouTube account to watch the various skits where she makes a total fool of herself? Why would YouTube find it necessary to pay her a monthly stipend from ads posted on her videos? There is something about her talent that draws many people to the kind of stuff she puts out there. That irritating voice that says, “My name is Kansiime” has a firm way of sitting undisturbed in the top right corner of the brain. I can’t begin to understand how she does it. If you are the type that says a joke and no one laughs, it’s possible that no one has heard it, so repeat. The talent is there so you need to look harder for it.

Career Rebel?
Anne Kansiime did Social Sciences at University but had an undying love for performing arts so she occasionally swapped her Social Sciences classes for a stint in the Music, Dance and Drama class. You realise that she was one of the kids that were not briefed on the “Musiru Dala Dala” stigma that plagued anyone who dared to pursue MDD as a course. She decided to juggle both courses and later pursue a career in an MDD-related field of organised insanity or what you might call comedy. She is fairly accomplished there now. If your colleagues are at campus typing coursework, upstage them by practicing at hostel with drums and hit them religiously. How cool is that? You will have to defy the wrath of white-collar-minded parents and the jeers from your judgmental friends to scale the heights of her ninjaness Kansiime. As others are carrying calculators to the exam room, take a drumstick. It’s called conviction.

Kansiime The Free Spirit
Anne Kansiime is a free spirit who will entertain people as she enjoys herself. Not one to sulk, Kansiime is as cheerful as the various characters she portrays on stage. Such a happy soul. So if a lady came into your life with just a “kaveera” and is leaving with everything of yours on a “lorry”, be courteous and help her pack too. Move on and start a new chapter. So go ahead and be like funny girl Kansiime.

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