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The acute angle: Odonga Otto’s crocodile tears

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But riyale politicians are just comedians. So Aruu County MP Odonga Otto ‘broke down’ this week after learning Winnie Byanyima was standing surety for her nephew Mathew Kanyamunyu, the alleged killer of Akena. His reasons were clear, betrayal by Besigye for sending his wife Winnie Byanyima to stand surety for a ‘murderer’. Apparently, he regrets ever supporting Besigye. Anyway, the pain of betrayal was so much to bear that he begun wailing like a baby. In what appeared to be the worst acting audition you will ever see on TV, the tears refused to play along in his evil tricks. As in, tears literally jam to roll down his cheeks. He pulled out a hankie, struggled to recollect his voice, feigned his face as if to manufacture a tea-cup of tears, directed the hankie to his face only for it to meet a dry face. The muswalo was real people. It’s embarrassing enough for a grown man to cry like an infant but faking tears? That was epic! Otto needs to watch the replays with his kids. They will roll in laughter. The Ebonies need some new bad acting talent on their roster. You can trust his impressionable constituents to buy into his theatrics. Villagers love to be lied to. Otto won over their hearts with that cameo at the courts of law.
Unlike Odonga Otto who was building political capital for himself, crocodile tears go a long way back in saving people. Not so long ago, a traffic policeman pulled me over. It didn’t help that I suffer from acute police phobia. I was frightened to the core. I can’t answer any question a traffic officer poses with composure. I tend to gnash my teeth, hear bowls of blood shake in my body, and stutter in my speech. I am a total mess when these chaps wave me down. That day wasn’t different. He asked for a permit which I didn’t have at that moment (“at that moment” being the key words) He demanded for it using this insanely authoritative voice that I coiled like some kitten in the cold. By the time he went to pull out the keys from the car, my acting career was launched. I cried. Yes, I cried like a little girl. I told him that my mother was ailing and if I didn’t reach hospital in time, she might never see me again (Lord father forgive me for I have sinned). He thought it was a joke at first but later caved in. He saw the despair in my eyes. Broke chaps like myself resort to such means when cornered. I had nothing to give the pot-bellied man. In just a few minutes, I had put up an Oscar-winning performance. Those tears saved me a few hours of cell time. Thank God.
I know chaps will be like “what kind of guy cries? Huh, at least mine was a show. When chicks dump their guys, you should see how some of the guys cry to be taken back. You find a muscled man wailing like a puppy, so kindly take a seat. Anyway Odonga Otto, next time you try to put up a show, rehearse man, or else we shall be standing on the sidelines screaming, “OUR MONEY!!!!!”

nzamunda@gmail.com

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