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A humble letter to SK Mbuga

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Thank you sir for making all men in this country feel worthless this year. Like seriously dude, what do you need 20 cars for in your compound? Who even needs 20 cars to start with? Hummers, Range Rover, Jeep Cherokee and now a Phantom Rolls Royce? The Rolls-Royce woke me up. I have seen many rich men cruise some of the ‘baddest’ automobiles in this dusty city of ours but never a Rolls-Royce. You have stretched it Mr. I have worked my socks off this year, served a living God but here I am, on the roadside, still trying to master the signals taxi conductors make to show whether they are going to the Old or New Taxi Park. There is no car to even dream of. It’s been a tough year, the economy has literally taken a dump on our heads. Money is playing hide and seek yet you are there procuring yourself a Rolls-Royce and a Ferrari.
So how do you do it? How do you manage to stay afloat when old timers such as Gordon Wavamunno and Sudhir are drowning in so many financial zibs? Are you a drug lord or something? I have read that you are a Sangoma or whatever they call them. What charms do you use or which old Indian woman did you have to kill to garner all this wealth? Is there a cult you follow? It surely can’t be just hard work. What are you working so hard at that we can’t seem to put our eyes on? Some of us are doing deals and the best we can earn ourselves is a new pair of jeans. Morever, after blood, sweat and tears. Some of our girlfriends are using you as a benchmark for success. That we are not thinking hard enough. Share that formula please. I am told you are also building a hospital in Uganda. At least, you are not like many of those millet-brained socialites whose so called money is for nothing really.
So tomorrow you get married in a wedding worth Shs3b, you say? Dude, it’s just a one-day event. You would have to be seriously insane to throw an equivalent of a ministry’s budget into a wedding. But I guess you are Mbuga, the guy with bottomless pockets who can pretty much spend whatever amount of money on anything. Just so you know, you can’t buy commitment. I hope Vivienne is a legit one, and is not in for the shillings.
Anyway, I wish you the best in your marriage and we look forward to your next wedding – you are Moslem man, right? By that time, I am sure I will have known you better to earn an invite.

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