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Drunk liver, smart phone, do you socialite more?

Which socialite are you: Smart phone, a drunk appetite, you, yes you my friend almost fits the profile and we believe you need to socialite more, yes you heard us, socialite more, all you may need is picking the right type, you don’t want to be allover the place.

The death of Ivan Ssemwanga almost signified the death of socialites in Uganda. Since then, we’ve not had a socialite come on the scene and do something fundamentally different from what Don Ivan did. Nonetheless, there’s still a class of Ugandans that perfectly fit the description of socialites.

The mamas

These are the group of socialites that will do anything to remain on the scene. They don’t believe in the concept of time and its effects. They always see themselves as that young girl that’s just hit the scene. They believe they can time travel into the past and reclaim their past glory. The Mamas dread anything that’s a stark reminder of the passing times.

If you want to rub them the wrong way, use any title that could signify their advancement in age. It doesn’t matter how many kids they currently have, they would rather be addressed as Boss Lady than Mama. At least lady sounds younger than Mama. In this group, you will also find the people who moved the country in the Miss Uganda glory days. If only somebody could remind the Mamas that it’s not 1990 anymore. It’s now 2019, the only constant is the man at the helm.

The one hit wonders

In the music industry, you have the concept of music stars that appear with a hit song and then disappear into oblivion. It’s not any different on the streets of socialites. There are socialites who underestimate Ugandans’ ability to spend other people’s money. They drop over hear and threaten to erase every other socialite off the map. Within two weekends, they go mute. They discover that you can joke with everything except Ugandans when it comes to helping one spend money.

A number of one hit wonders have now moved into charity. They no longer reserve tables in bars. They prefer to keep a low profile. If they ever had to do it all over again, they would never risk with Ugandan party animals.

The rejected ones aka try-too-hard

We also have a class of socialites that society seems to have rejected. They have basically tried too hard to get Ugandans to accept them without any success. We tend to underestimate the role of favour in life, but if you ask these socialites, they now know that it’s not all about money. You must find a place in people’s hearts. Nonetheless, these rejected socialites keep trying. They will at least urinate in the middle of the road, if that fails, they will throw a birthday party for their 4-year-old and gift him with a house. Of course, it turns out to be the same house they were already occupying. But who cares? Anything that gets them ‘talkability’ will pass. Most of these socialites tend to suffer from low self-esteem issues. They grew up being told that they are not that awesome. Now, they would pay off anyone to constantly tell them just the things they want to hear. If you can feed them on lies of how they are the richest, most handsome, they will empty their wallets just so you never stop the praises.

The fashionistas

These ones are models that just didn’t make it in the industry. Since then, they’ve decided to transfer their skills to the world of socialites. They make it a point to show up at every event in a style that awes everyone. They will go all the way to execute an event theme. If it means showing up in a mice trap, so be it. If it means morphing into a dustbin, then so be it. At all costs, they will always get the photographers’ attention. They are the kind of socialites that rock the red-carpet as though they invented it. They will show up shortly before the event kicks off, when they are certain they have everyone’s attention.

The social media addicts

These are socialites that change the world from the comfort of their smartphone. Without their smartphone, they are nothing. They lose all their power. You know that Instagram socialite that can’t stop turning on your world. Yet, it would be a risk meeting her in public. Because, her social media self and her public self are completely disconnected. Social Media socialites takes thousands of photos in one day, in different attires, and that will sure as hell take them for days. You will be thinking it’s a different trip only to realize it was one trip spread out in different photos and attires. These socialites are only active on the snap and on the gram. Don’t expect to bump into them that often.

The highest bidder takes it all aka cream

There’s a special group of socialites whose life runs around the highest bidder. They are always up for sale, you just have to win the auction. They live life by one simple rule; CREAM-cash runs everything around me. If you want to excite them, talk about the cash, promise to introduce them to your rich friends. Beyond the bottle popping, they want to handle the actual cash. They will quickly dump a guy should they suspect him to be another empty wallet camouflaging around as a loaded dude. CREAMs however tend to also have a special boyfriend that has it all except money. In this case, they act as the sponsors to this special boyfriend.

Twitter: @OrtegaTalks

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