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How to be the spicy spicer, Spice Diana

A LITTLE SPICY: She has had more than just 15 minutes of fame. And for Spice Diana, when the trolls got it on, she took it all with extra arms and boy is she milking this moment!

Ignoring Spice Diana these days has become an extreme sport because she is consistently outdoing herself with creative ways to embarrass herself and entertain us in equal measure.For her up and coming music career, this is the kind of boost it needed. She has taught other struggling musicians that if you cannot drop hit songs, drop your IQ or at least a wig on national television for Ugandans to show the slightest of interest. Because of Spice Diana, Ugandans have lost millions of brain cells and time over the last weeks discussing or sharing her ever-so-frequent mishaps on social media.
For idlers like us, this is all just beautiful to watch. Public embarassment, pettiness or anything that does not build the nation stimulates us. So we shall sit via Hajara Namukwaya Avenue with popcorn in hand, awaiting another massive social accident. It is all some of us live for.

Spice Diana’s world is nothing short of unique.Second grade passing at A-level is honourable enough to be the best, a school’s treasure. As the rest of Spice Diana’s mates were hustling for 20 points, the good student in her could only aim higher. She earned herself 32 points for her tireless efforts while all you smart heads were swelling in your hoods with ‘mediocre’ grades.
In truth, the afro dancehall artiste has had a memorable or perhaps a forgettable February. The small issue of mistaking her O-level results for her A-level ones on a TV interview, and then the wig flying off her scalp could be a turning point in how her career goes this year. If you wanna be like Hajara Namukwaya aka Spice Diana, your favourite idler has gotchu:

When life throws you lemons….
We throw them back. Do not act surprised. It is pretty much how everyone reacts when they are faced with criticism or hate. If someone makes another a laughing stock, they will want to deal with it like men. Harmony is only restored after a nasty fist-fight in the backyard or a bunch of mstcheeews are hurled in the Facebook comments section. That is how things are settled nowadays. Basically, we always fancy a fight back no matter the situation, including myself. Throw me lemons and you can be sure that I will force them down your throat.

Spice Diana has showed us that when life throws you lemons, fix yourself lemonade. It is about sitting pretty in front of your dressing mirror, with your wig placed beside it and just laugh off the haters’ insults. Do this as you sip to life, to poor grades to everything. Those making a joke out of your woes are only jealous of your life, that is it.
Spice Diana has taken all the criticism to the chin and has even gone on to release a song called 32 to shoot back at her critics. Smart right? And that, kids, is how you answer your critics. You wanna be like Spice Diana, laugh through it all and make the best out of bad situations.

Delusional Diana
The Onsanula singer claimed that she got 32 points at A-level during a TV interview, which was something of a shock to many people. UNEB allocates 20 points but being the ‘smart’ person that she is, she took them all and even exceeded. How greedy of you, Ms Namukwaya! She further explained how she was the best in her school with a second grade, would you believe it? Such are the wonders of this world! This is brilliant, I must say. Brilliance of whoever titrated the stuff she was high on that day. Spice Diana was certainly not in her senses when she made very stray statements on national Tv.
If you want to sound as delusional as Spice Diana, it is time to get high on the real sophisticated stuff from Jamaica. You will need an upgrade for your IQ to drop to such levels.

Bad Hair Day
Hair is any woman’s prized asset, regardless of whether it is real or fake. Women spend half of their lifetime in salons doing their hair and the other half complaining about everything. I am sure Spice Diana is no different. They have alternatives for hair. If your mama blessed you with steel for hair, the Brazilian horses or a dead chick in Brazil got your back. It is all cut out for the ladies out there. Any woman is one weave or wig away from a beauty pageant stage. Thanks to all the foreign hair on the market, ladies have been saved from hereditary scalp embarassments.

To have your hair do the magic for you is as easy as knowing a good hair stylist anywhere in Uganda. And if you do not like it, remove it like you would do to a hat. Do it the Spice Diana way, in public and infront of cameras. Take Paloma’s hair and throw it in the trash. Do not let a bad hair day get to you when you can easily walk out looking like a shaolin monk. All it takes is the right confidence and a morally-shaped head.
Well, go be like Spice Diana.

Twitter: @InK_era35

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