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How to be Zimbabwe’s ‘Gucci’ Grace

IRON WOMAN: Many blame her for her husband Robert Mugabe’s downfall and it is hard to refute because when Gace Mugabe got into Robert Mugabe’s bed, she stumped her foot on Zimbabwe.

 

The real definition of “arriving” is getting PhDs from universities like you are shopping groceries in Nakasero Market on a bright Saturday afternoon. To get your PhD in two months, no sight of a thesis report and to have your 93-year-old husband award you honours is not only questionable, but borders on sheer sorcery. For Grace Ntombizodwa Mugabe, it was always a “do whatever you want, whenever you want” situation. In simple terms, she ran her husband, Robert Mugabe and the whole of Zimbabwe via remote control. Easy, right?

Imagine the central bank becomes your piggy bank and your 93-year-old husband is a ka shamba boy you can just send to the shops for airtime. Grace was the original Queen Bee. You know, the kind of wife who asks visitors to leave their shoes at the entrance before they stain her marble floors. Zimbabwe was like her territory, her closet, her kitchen. You know how women get when you wanna ruin their kitchen, they draw daggers. Sniff Grace’s kitchen and you are finished .Mnangagwa tried and was sent packing like those fat rats that camp in flour.

When Grace was not throwing her weight around, she was living like an heiress, spending millions on expensive travels, Gucci bags, fancy destinations hence the name “Gucci” Grace. She moved with Zimbabwe’s economy in her purse. Boss lady stunts just!
Before you complain about your girlfriend making a long shopping list, remember someone goes for shopping with her country’s budget. Levels! Unfortunately for Grace Mugabe, her fairytale ended after her husband was kicked out. Problems and more problems. If you wanna be like Gucci Grace, I gotchu.

Be overly ambitious
Grace Mugabe was itching for Zimbabwe’s presidency with each passing day. She seemed like she cheered every breath Robert Mugabe took knowing it might be the last one, making her a hot favourite to replace her hubby. She scattered ZANU PF to gain some power.
This is why I insist that never introduce your girlfriend or wife to your boys. It is suicide! Next thing you know, you and your boys will be asking her for permission to hit the nightlife and will even queue for pocket money. Do not risk it. Anyone who brought their nose close to Uncle Bob would get it clipped by Grace. She took no prisoners. She craved power like no one else.

Being like Grace means you have to take a disgraceful path to what you want. These slay queens who go around pumping their breasts infront of your husband will get a beat down. In fact, any random insects crawling up your hubby’s pants will face the wrath of some killer insecticide. Your husband, his wealth, his power are all yours and no one else’s. He is your husband, meaning everything of his is sexually transmitted to you. No questions asked.

Gucci Grace
Grace Mugabe did not make it out of State House as a typist just to be humble and live like a poor maid. Formerly Robert Mugabe’s side chick, Grace achieved her life-long dream to become First Lady and since then, she has lived life beyond her wildest dreams. Side chicks around the world are using her model to make it in life. As soon as main chick is out of the way, it is a pareeeee.

For you who is still stuck in some ka miserable muzigo in Kyanja, dreaming of him to leave his wife, there is still hope for you. You can see Gucci Grace grabbed an opportunity and used it or rather grabbed a country and milked it. She has lived an expensive life at the mercy of poor Zimbaweans and so can you. Madam side chick out there, milk that man dry at the expense of his wife and children. Squeeze a few Raums, houses, trips to Dubai out of him without fear or remorse. Detoothing a man of just hair money and airtime is simply playing yourself. Take it a notch higher. When his children cannot go to school anymore and your Brazillian hair weave is popping, that is when you will have made it.

Be a slap merchant
Power without control is useless like Grace has proved to us. Trust me, you do not want to be slapped at 93 years old. Any slap could send you into your grave at the closest. She has slapped photo journalists before and some years ago, she notoriously assaulted a model in South Africa.
If you are a boss whose subordinates are slacking on deadlines while they cat walk about in office, it is time to swing the slipper, African style. Satan your ally will applaud you.

Twitter: @InK_era35

editorial@ug.nationmedia.com

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