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The acute angle : What’s with girls and birthdays?

 

You can do all the wrong things in this world but you would be damned to forget a girl’s birthday, especially one in Uganda. Not in this day and age. It is inexcusable. It is a crime too grave for any courts of law in Uganda to handle. Yes, not even the ICC. They will deal with you themselves. Be ready for endless episodes of tantrums, the ever dreaded silent treatment and generally a life of torment. They cannot tolerate any memory loss. A chick’s birthday is supposed to be engraved at the back of your head in bold ink. It’s not a matter of rules but more of principle. Buying a girl a gift on her birthday is the unofficial 11th commandment of the Bible.
Girls these days make it virtually impossible to forget their birthdays. Just as we guys were playing dead or going ghost whenever our girlfriend’s birthdays drew closer, some fool invented the evil that is the “birth-month”. They will remind you on every social media platform available that their ‘month’ has arrived and that they thank God for being wonderful. That is just great, right? It is no longer about one day to worry about. It’s a whole gaddam month. The happy birth month is plastered everywhere. You cannot just pretend to not have seen. These ladies are so obsessed about their birthdays that nothing else matters. It is funny how they look forward to their birthdays yet they continue to hide their ages. She will cut the cake down in the middle with a huge smile decorating her face but you dare ask for her age and see what happens. He he that knife could be buried in your stomach.
Birth month is just to give you time to put your finances together. They won’t rush you. A birthday of March 31 kicks off earliest March 1st. Whoever started that birth month nonsense needs to be arrested. A month-long celebration is on the cards and you would have to be some kind of sorcerer to keep that wallet locked. These girls are shrewd. Gifts are not anticipated, they are demanded for. I pity our brothers who are in committed relationships. You will open that wallet by hook or crook. And many of them don’t want something small. A surprise party or dinner is a must, duh! She will even plan her own surprise party. These girls don’t joke. Instagram will suffer that day. She needs to update the not-so bothered world about how she has the world’s best boyfie. Too bad the world’s best boyfie has the world’s most debts. It is just crazy how girls are so crazy about birthdays. Like honestly, it is not necessary to panic, do insane things and forcefully invite everyone on that journey with you. Take it easy.
nzamunda@gmail.com

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