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My dating mares: The reason I’m looking before I leap

OnlineDating1
The beauty about having space like this, to write about absolutely nothing, yet it is read is a great feeling. Now I’m able to blurt out answers to several questions that have come my way.
The dominant one is: “Eseri, why is it that all your friends are cohabiting or getting married and you are still having dating mares?” Funny, isn’t it? But a really good question I must say.
To begin with, I am supposed to be a bridesmaid for the eighty eighth time in my life and it doesn’t seem to suck. I gladly spend whatever bucks on the clothing and trendy shoes for the dos. But that doesn’t mean I am odd.

Here is what I mean. I have dealt enough with the following people with the following habits that irritate me in the following ways.
Picture this. I was surfing away on Facebook as one of my hobbies dictates. It was quite a boring day, and I happened to receive a friend request from one Itesot. I like them. I rarely confirm people who are anonymous but I had to confirm Odongo.

The new guy was quick to throw a lousy ‘Hi’ into my inbox and boom! A string of messages followed. He just failed the test. I love proud guys.

Instant turn offs suck. I get that he was trying to make his point, but I expect someone to take it slow—gradually till he gets there.
It’s not really that I am so picky. Aren’t we all? I am pretty immune to such vibes. I call that laziness, if you must get something good (even a girlfriend), take a little bit of your time, unless you want a one or two-night stand.

As if that wasn’t enough, he kept calling using messenger, and even when I ignored, he never gave up. Annoyed, I painfully surrendered my whatsapp contact. At least I can bear these calls, even when they are equally derailed. He went on with his ‘hobby’ (I guessed) and that to me was silliness.

Since I’m sure one of you is about to ask what I really want in life since I seem to push away every guy like many claim, I shall answer. I am not asking for those men who are faithful, God fearing, loving, respectful, hardworking, trustworthy or honest, like I hear people count the qualities.

Truth is, nobody’s perfect. We’re all prone to semi-conscious chats that make us look totally senseless. But here are the things that I am not searching for.
The shy guy
Okay, this one tops my list. We’re all human and get shy sometimes. But there are those who can’t even keep eye contact. Well, if you are going to prove to me that I have more confidence than you do, then I can’t bear your presence.
You notice enthralling men who are so fine-looking yet can’t keep the up and down look under control. If I spoke to you for three and half seconds and you just don’t look me in the eyes, ahem!
Obscenity
Yes, we all want to sound cool but I can’t stand this. The first time I picked Odongo’s Imo video call I wanted to hide under my bed while I spoke to him. Never mind that Itesots have good diction and can articulate words better than I do. He constantly used the F-word as an all-purpose adjective; it made me wonder whether he is equally uncreative and X-rated in everything he does.
Tardiness
I must admit I sometimes turn up late for a dinner or dance. But if you don’t have a dress with a 16 inch zipper which you have to ask your neighbour to come and pull up, and six inch heels to trot through the street plus a lump of make up to soil your face with, please, I don’t do expect you to show up late. At least send a message that you will be late if you are sure you will.
Now, the opposite is my ideal guy and he is the reason as to why I look before I leap. Until then, I remain yours truly, the bridesmaid.

ewatsemwa@ug.nationmedia.com

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